0 Months old...
Harry had a normal birth. Labor was about ten hours long, and you gave birth naturally. You are proud that your "team" could make use of natural childbirth breathing and relaxation techniques. When you got to hold Harry in the delivery room, you were amazed that you and your partner had brought this new being into existence.
After only a week with Harry, you can already feel a hormonal connection. When Harry cries, you begin to lactate! This will increase if you choose to breast feed, but it will die off gradually if you do not.
What kind of diapers will you use? The cloth diapers are more environmentally sound, but a lot more work than the disposable diapers. And those diaper safety pins are hard to work on a squirming baby!
* You decide to use the disposable diapers.
You want Harry to be active and curious about his environment, so you:
* Talk to, hold and interact with Harry whenever he seems interested. You figure you are the most interesting and complex "toy" in his environment.
After 3 weeks, Harry is still somewhat lethargic, doesn't want to eat very much, and he still hasn't gained much weight. You have been to the pediatrician who says it is nothing serious.
•
You figure Harry is just a little slow to mature, but you don't do anything special.
You are starting to notice that Harry's crying is rhythmic and moderately loud when he is hungry, wet, or cold. If he is startled, there is a sudden intake of breath and a loud wail, followed by more deep breaths and loud wails.
* You try to respond to the different types of crying by changing, feeding, or soothing little Harry.
Harry spends most of his time falling asleep, sleeping, or slowly waking up. When he is awake, you take advantage of the waking time by:
* Bouncing Harry gently, and dancing around with him to music.
Will you breast feed Harry?
* Yes, but we will supplement with formula.
3 Months old...
Harry is awake about half of the time, sleeping about 6 hours at night and in three 2-hour blocks during the day. When awake, he is sometimes moving about restlessly, and sometimes quiet or calm.
•
Choose a variety of activities depending on Harry's mood and go with the flow.
Harry is able to focus his eyes on you. He spends a lot of time studying your face and the faces of anyone who comes close to him.
You notice that Harry can learn a thing or two so you start working on his baby IQ!
* You show Harry interesting objects such as rattles, mobiles, and stuffed toys and watch how interested he is in looking at them or reaching for them
You have not been feeling very energetic since shortly after Harry was born. You are listless and don't take much interest in activities around you. You complain that you don't have enough energy to deal with the baby.
If Harry was being breastfed, will that continue?
* Yes, along with a breast pump to store breast milk so that your partner or another caregiver could feed him.
At 3 months of age, Harry is showing more intense interest in his surroundings. Harry smiles at familiar people and toys, is able to laugh at surprising or funny things (such as a little dog), and is developing lots of cute little habits.
You love to hear Harry make those little "ooo" sounds.
* So you spend a lot of time talking to him to encourage more of those sounds.
Sometimes Harry becomes fussy, is difficult to soothe, or has trouble taking a nap. What will you do?
* You keep your routine pretty regular (feedings, playtime, nap time), and try to get Harry to adapt to it gradually.
Harry cries often after meals and frequently has diarrhea. What will you do?
* Introduce bland, solid foods such as rice and strained fruits right away.
Your partner's job generates enough income to meet your goals of moving out of your apartment in the city, into a safer neighborhood with better schools, and into a better apartment (within a year or so) or into a home that you own (within 5 years or so). After discussion, you decide that:
•
You will work outside the home full-time in the career you were pursuing prior to Harry's birth. You will place Harry in a high quality child care center that has a ratio of 1 caregiver to 3 babies. To deal with possible caregiver burnout (and caregiver absences),the center has two primary caregivers assigned to each baby. It provides developmentally appropriate activities greater than any you could get in a home environment, and transitions children into different groups as they get older (at approximately 12, 24, and 36 months of age).
Harry is getting more curious about the world around him.
* You bring Harry along to visit several new people (relatives and friends).
When Harry was 8 Months old...
Harry is sometimes a little reluctant to part from you at daycare and starts crying. He usually gets over it quickly after you leave
Harry is taking a two hour nap every day, and sleeping six or more hours at a time at night. In other words, you have a new attachment to your pillow! Occasionally Harry is fully awake in the middle of the night and wants to hang out and play with you.
* You decide to go with the flow, but try to calm Harry down and focus him on one quiet activity for as long as possible at night.
It has become clear that Harry shows a preference for you over others (especially when distressed), with your partner a close second. How will your partner become a stronger attachment figure for Harry?
•
You arrange for Harry to spend more time with several caregivers (grandma, babysitter, aunt and the neighbor) to develop his social skills. You feel that is what Harry needs to break away from a single attachment with you.
You try the object permanence test. Harry is able to find a hidden object, as long as you don't wait too long or distract him in the middle of the search. Harry really likes this hiding game and shows by his interest that he wants it repeated. However, if you hide the object in the same place repeatedly, and then change the hiding place, Harry has a strong tendency to look in the old hiding place, and then get confused about where the object is, or forget about it. This curious error was first discovered by Piaget, but researchers have some new explanations for the error.
Sometimes Harry is fussy or irritable for no apparent reason. When this happens, you:
* Sometimes make an effort to make physical contact, but other times you are too busy, so you let Harry keep fussing, to help develop his independence.
Your partner lost his job about a month ago, and you are both feeling financially distressed. There have been arguments over money and priorities and you both have been more irritable with Harry and have been spending less time in relaxing activities with Harry.
You want Harry to establish a regular bed-time and sleep through the night. You think he’s almost there.
* You put Harry down in his crib well-fed and with clean diapers at the same time every night, and ignore crying unless it goes on for more than ten minutes so he will learn to go to bed on time.
You play some fun games with Harry, such as:
* Playing peek-a-boo, patty cake, and other social games.
Lately Harry has had frequent problems with indigestion and diarrhea, and seems prone to catching colds. Naturally, Harry doesn't have much of an appetite, and cries a lot during these illnesses.
* You choose one new veggie, pasta, or meat dish from the family's dinner, and grind it up in a baby food grinder. You feed it to Harry for two or three days in a row to observe the results.
You notice that Harry seems to have little goals that involve two steps of planning ahead, so you encourage these cognitive advances by:
* Engaging in normal social interaction, where these issues are bound to come up frequently, given the propensity of children to exercise new abilities
Harry is showing some fearfulness around unfamiliar people and clings to whoever is holding him. What is your typical response?
* Hold Harry, and let him warm up slowly to the stranger; if he doesn't get friendly after ten minutes, try again later or give up for now.
You and your partner have discussed your views on break-ups of a long-term partnership or marriage, and
* You are both adamantly opposed to divorce, on moral and/or spiritual grounds and because of concern about its effects on your child.
As Harry turns 9 months, the pediatrician has the following to say after a routine physical exam, a few items administered from the Bayley Scales of Infant Intelligence, and some observations of Harry in the playroom:
When Harry becomes upset, it is difficult to soothe him down. He sometimes accepts your embraces and sometimes pushes you away.
Harry has been ill several times this season from colds or digestive upset. The doctor advises keeping him away from sick people, and checking out a new food for a few days to test for allergies.
Harry is cautious around new people and situations, but warms up fairly quickly to friendly people and to new and interesting activities and then begins to vocalize a lot and make eye contact.
Harry has typical emotional reactions for his age, such as fear of total strangers, separation anxiety and a quick, loud cry when upset or in pain.
Harry is advanced in his gross and fine motor skills and enjoys crawling, pulling up to stand and manipulating objects
At 12 Months:
Virtual Child uses five dimensions of temperament to describe the child's behavior in the first 30 months. These dimensions are influenced by your questionnaire responses, and change gradually over time in response to events and parenting decisions. They include four dimensions that overlap with the Big Five personality traits, Sociability (extraversion/introversion), Emotionality (neuroticism), Aggressiveness vs. cooperativeness (agreeableness), and Self-control (conscientiousness), and a fifth dimension, Activity level. Twin, adoption and longitudinal studies indicate there are genetic and environmental influences on the five types of traits in the program.
ACTIVITY refers to the physical and mental energy level of the child. Highly active children may sleep less, be more restless, and engage in more physical activity. Less active children may sleep more, enjoy quiet pastimes, and show less interest in vigorous physical activity.
SOCIABILITY refers to the child's friendliness and desire for social interaction (ranging from low to high)
EMOTIONALITY refers to the intensity of emotion experienced by the child. Highly emotional children may show more of everything (anger, joy, sadness) and more fluctuation in moods. Less emotional children may show less extreme emotions and less fluctuation over periods of time.
AGGRESSIVENESS VS. COOPERATIVENESS refers to the tendency of the child to be aggressive in social situations with the parent, day-care provider or other children. Highly aggressive children may be quite resistant to parental demands and throw tantrums or even lash out at the parent or other children. Less aggressive children tend to be more cooperative, or to whine and fuss rather than actively resist the parent. Research indicates that boys are somewhat more aggressive than girls, but there is a great deal of overlap between the sexes, and this is reflected in Virtual Child.
SELF-CONTROL refers to the child's ability to control his or her behavior, delay gratification, plan out a course of action, or inhibit responses to typical situations. This is not exactly the same thing as aggressiveness or emotionality. For example, a child with low self-control might take a cookie when asked to wait, not out of a spirit of lack of cooperation, but just due to low impulse control. Children who are extreme on this dimension may fit typical criteria for attention deficit disorder with hyperactivity. The Virtual Child has a 5% chance of having moderate to severe ADHD and a 5% chance of having mild ADHD.
GOODNESS OF FIT is a concept that is closely related to temperament. It refers to the tendency of the parent to adapt his/her behavior to the child's temperament. For example, suppose you have a very active child, and you are trying to promote exploration and learning. Rather than "going against the grain" and attempting to quiet the child down to look at a book about bugs, you might appeal to the child's active nature and choose to go on a walk and talk about the bugs you see. Goodness of fit also applies to developmental level. For example, at 6-8months most infants are at least somewhat anxious around strangers, so you would want to introduce the child to a new person gradually rather than thrusting the child into the person's arms. Parents desiring to change their child's temperament, or help their child develop a particular skill, can benefit from the principle of goodness of fit, and the related concept of moderate novelty. Parents desiring to encourage growth in their child should introduce moderately novel activities and experiences, because children are more likely to pay attention to and profit from such experiences.
GOODNESS OF FIT is a concept that is closely related to temperament. It refers to the tendency of the parent to adapt his/her behavior to the child's temperament. For example, suppose you have a very active child, and you are trying to promote exploration and learning. Rather than "going against the grain" and attempting to quiet the child down to look at a book about bugs, you might appeal to the child's active nature and choose to go on a walk and talk about the bugs you see. Goodness of fit also applies to developmental level. For example, at 6-8months most infants are at least somewhat anxious around strangers, so you would want to introduce the child to a new person gradually rather than thrusting the child into the person's arms. Parents desiring to change their child's temperament, or help their child develop a particular skill, can benefit from the principle of goodness of fit, and the related concept of moderate novelty. Parents desiring to encourage growth in their child should introduce moderately novel activities and experiences, because children are more likely to pay attention to and profit from such experiences.
Lately you've been taking Harry to the neighborhood park, and he is typically very clingy and refuses to play independently with the other children. How do you handle the situation?
•
You encourage Harry to play with the other children by taking him into a group of children. You stay by his side until he appears to be comfortable, then slowly step back little by little.
Harry has had constant colds and ear-aches for the past two months. his frequent fussing and crying is really getting on you and your partner's nerves. Sometimes both of you are just too tired to respond.
When strangers come to visit, they think Harry is really cute so they want to hold Harry. Harry usually starts crying if the person tries to get too close. However, after meeting a person two or three times, you notice that Harry is staring at the person and manages a shy smile. Typically you:
* Smile and converse with the person and gradually encourage Harry to be friendlier, but don't put any pressure on Harry.
At nine months old, Harry began to understand a few words and point to something he wanted. At twelve months old, Harry now clearly understands a couple of dozen words. In fact, Harry just recently pronounced his first clear word and pointed at the object in question.... It was a dog.
Due to Harry's increased mobility and interest in exploring, you:
* Take Harry on leisurely walks up and down the sidewalk, allowing him plenty of time to look around.
You try the object permanence test again. This time, Harry is able to find the object even after long delays and seems to think this is a great game! You set up two hiding places for the object and hide it under one of the two covers repeatedly. When you switch it to the second hiding place, he no longer has the problem you saw earlier of searching at the more common of the two hiding places. You can't even trick him by hiding it in your hand. Harry likes this game and wants to play it over and over.
Harry still has occasional problems with indigestion, but is tolerating most baby foods as well as several bland foods chosen from those that you eat.
* You always allow a few days when you introduce a new food to see if he tolerates it.
Your partner got a new job after looking for 3 months and the location, hours and pay are slightly better. The three of you have a celebration, and Harry laughs and has a good time even though he doesn't know what the party is about.
Harry is able to imitate new words and actions now, so you focus on:
* Teaching him new motor skills, such as drinking from a cup, turning pages in books, etc.
Harry's first birthday is coming in a few days! You invite all the relatives over and throw a big party.
Harry enjoys throwing every toy out of his crib and watching what happens. Harry seems to expect you to keep putting them back!
* You use this as an opportunity to work on Harry's language skills, by commenting on each toy (e.g., "Whoops, there goes the toy kitty!").
Harry learned to walk early (9 months), and even knows how to climb. He is constantly into everything! When he does something dangerous, such as running into the street or climbing onto the back of the couch, you:
•
Put on a scared face, speak in a frightened voice, hug Harry, and tell him "No! You can get hurt!"
Harry can have positive or negative reactions to new settings, toys or foods. He has a wide range of moods, but only gets really upset when hungry, tired, wet etc. You:
* Try to introduce Harry to new things only when he seems to be in the mood.
When Harry was 15 Months old...
Harry just turned 15 months of age, and you notice he often studies things in his environment and performs simple little "experiments" with them, almost like a little scientist. For example, he pushes his bath toys under water at various depths and delightedly watches how high they pop back above the surface.
At 18 Months:
You and your partner have been arguing recently about child care and household duties. You try to do this out of earshot of Harry, but you notice that he has become more fussy and attention-demanding.
You know that by age three Harry needs to be toilet trained for daycare/preschool. You buy a potty chair, training pants, and a little storybook about a child learning to use the potty.
•
You wait for him to show an interest in the potty and pants before saying that you want him to learn to use them.
Harry has shown some interesting new behavior. He acts shy when looking in the mirror, uses the word "me" a lot, and wants to do things himself. You think the new behavior is a sign of self-awareness, and you have to decide what the balance will be between allowing Harry to be independent and teaching him to follow your rules.
Harry is a regular chatterbox now. He has over 50 words at his command, and some really cute two-word sentences such as "Mama up" and "Doggie outside." What will you do to improve Harry's communication further?
* Chatter back, using slightly longer sentences than Harry's, such as "Yes, the doggie is outside." Introduce descriptive and useful new words gradually, such as "The doggie is SCRATCHING the DOOR."
Harry is sometimes interested in dancing or singing along with music and sometimes doesn't seem to notice or care. You teach him some simple preschool songs and try to encourage him to respond to music.
Harry tends to be slow to warm up to new people, but is outgoing and friendly with familiar people:
* You take him out to participate in new activities, and to meet new adults and children as often as possible. The variety of experiences should be stimulating
You are showing Harry how to take care of the growing number of plants you have on the sunny balcony of your apartment. Fortunately the balcony is child-safe, and there is no danger of Harry falling
Harry likes to play make believe with cups, dolls, and toy telephones. He sometimes talks to himself or makes the dolls and toy figurines talk to each other.
* You let Harry play by himself, unless he wants to share with you, as you don't want to interfere with the development of his imagination.
Harry has a tremendous drive to use his motor skills. You have to keep an eye on Harry because he will quickly toddle off into the crowd at public places or even into the street!
Harry is fairly calm most of the time, but sometimes starts whining and fussing when he is very tired or overstimulated.
* You try to be sensitive to Harry's moods. When he seems overstimulated, you suggest a nap or quiet activity.
Harry sometimes takes on problems that are too difficult for his age level. He sometimes gets frustrated and gives up. When you see this happening, you:
* Resist getting involved unless he is very upset, as you don't want him to rely too strongly on you to solve little problems.
* Get involved in the activity and show Harry how to solve part of the puzzle or build part of the tower.
* Smile encouragingly and say "keep trying!"
* Show an interest in what he is doing and make occasional helpful comments when Harry gets stuck.
Harry is almost always on the go from morning to night, and usually only takes a short nap during the day. Harry is frequently awake late into the evening or early in the morning as well!
* You are concerned that Harry's high activity level might interfere with learning cognitive skills, so you introduce "quiet times" where you encourage Harry play with his choice of books, toys, or puzzles at the small table in his room or near you in the kitchen or living room.
You notice that Harry is less clingy lately, and often wants to be put down to explore rather than to be held. His favorite places to venture out are the park and the store.
* You recognize this as a normal pattern, and continue to provide support verbally and by displaying sympathetic or approving facial expressions.
Lately Harry has become more hesitant to part with either you or your partner at daycare. He greets his the caregiver enthusiastically, but when you try to leave Harry wants to leave with you. The caregiver keeps assuring you that Harry calms down after you leave. What should you do?
•
You reassure Harry that you will return, and tell him where you are going and why you go there.
Harry sometimes likes to explore the different ways that toys and blocks can be stacked or manipulated, and sometimes just stacks them the same way over and over again.
* You let him play as long as he is interested, and sometimes show him new ways of manipulating the toys. When he gets bored you let him decide what to do next.
Harry has recently become resistant sometimes to your requests for cooperation. For example, he says "no," or refuses things that he accepted before such as food or bath time.
* You recognize Harry needs to have firm limits, explain that you need his "help," and let him decide between two choices (both of which are things you want him to do!)
At 19 Months
Harry is able to imitate actions or words that he has seen or heard days before. This greatly expands his ability to learn new things. Harry also seems to be aware of basic categories, such as big or little, and blue or red. You can tell because of the way he is sorting his toys.
You have been working outside the home full-time since Harry was 3 months old and Harry has been at a high-quality daycare center. At this point Harry is ready to make a transition to a higher age-level group. You and your partner talk about how Harry is doing and your goals, and decide that you will continue to work full-time outside the home, Harry will remain in the daycare center, and then you will reconsider when Harry is 3, as a high quality local preschool becomes an option at that age. You or your partner will pick up Harry as early as possible in the day, depending on work and commuting schedules.
The preschool that you are considering for Harry offers low-priced developmental assessments. Harry is able to enroll when he becomes reasonably well potty-trained. He is 19 months old now. Just to find out how Harry's development compares to other children of his age at this point, you have an assessment done. The early childhood specialist observes Harry in free play with other kids and does a little testing of cognitive skills. She reports the following:
Harry was not very aggressive with the other kids, unless one of them tried to grab a toy from him and then he resisted. The examiner recommended that Harry continue to go to toddler play groups/daycare to develop his skill in interacting with other children. At home, her general advice for the toddler negativism that was bound to happen at this age was to use clear and simple explanations for rules, warnings and time outs for misbehavior, and encouragements to "use your words" if Harry wanted something.
The specialist noted that Harry seemed insecure and uncertain about your attentions, and tended to cling too much and to be hard to soothe when upset. She recommended being a lot more consistent and reliable in paying attention to Harry and giving him comfort and affection.
The specialist thought that Harry was slow to warm up to new situations with adults, but that if you gave him time, he usually came around.
Harry was generally in a positive mood during the play sessions, but occasionally could be irritable or impatient when things did not go his way.
Harry scored at about the 18-19 month range for communication skill, language comprehensionand language production. This is age-appropriate of course, but the examiner recommended that because Harry was in such an important period of language development, that you spend as much time as possible talking with Harry, asking questions that require some kind of extended answer (rather than just "yes" or "no"), and looking at and naming things in picture books, etc.
Harry was age-appropriate on tasks such as building a block tower to model one made by the examiner and other spatial skills such as copying shapes, coloring within the lines and solving picture puzzles.
Harry was advanced in his gross motor skills. The examiner recommended that you expose Harry to a variety of indoor and outdoor activities and let his interests be the guide as to what to pursue.
The examiner commented that Harry was able to concentrate on activities for 10-15 minutes, which was age-appropriate. Harry was coming along fine, but she still recommended trying to engage Harry's attention in something really interesting for longer and longer periods of time, to gradually build up his tolerance for preschool-type activities. She also recommended getting Harry to follow simple directions at home, gradually increasing the complexity and length of the directions.
At 2 Years
Harry was over at the neighbor's house a couple of weeks ago and was scratched by their cat. Since then, Harry has not wanted to visit the kindly neighbor, and has been more clingy and whiny than usual.
Harry seems now to have a goal of becoming potty trained and makes it to the potty about 60% of the time. A couple of other parents you know were bragging that their 2 year old was already potty-trained.
* You allow Harry to develop potty training at his own pace and don't provide anything other than verbal praise for success.
Harry has been riding his "hot wheels" tricycle a lot lately, but recently has avoided it completely because of a scary accident in which he went off a curb in the park and got scratched up. You don't push Harry to get back on the tricycle. You figure he will get back on it when he is ready.
Harry's communication skills are growing. He is speaking mostly in two to three word "telegraphic" sentences. His vocabulary is expanding because of his desire to learn new words.
* You go to the library fairly often and read books that Harry chooses off the shelves to him.
You notice that Harry has some new emotions over the past few months. Some things you have noticed are shy smiles when asked to be in photographs, looking guilty when he breaks something, and embarrassment when he has a potty accident. You realize these new emotions are related to his developing self-awareness.
Harry typically clings to you when you bring him to a setting with other children and is slow to get involved in the other children's activities.
* You figure that Harry is not getting enough consistent attention and affection at home, so you and your partner have more one on one time with him
Harry is just now starting to solve problems that he plans out in his head, such as how to get toys or other objects that are hidden or out of reach, but sometimes he relies on trial and error.
* You see this advance in symbolic thinking ability as an opportunity to boost his language skills, so you start naming things all around the house.
You just found out you are pregnant! You are holding off on telling Harry for a while until the pregnancy become more noticeable. But sooner or later you'll have to face the inevitable question of 3-year old inquiring minds: "how did the baby get in there?"
Harry can remember recent experiences and provide simple descriptions of what happens, such as a trip to the petting zoo or the amusement park. You are impressed that his memory is working so well, and you suspect that he has had the ability to remember these experiences for quite some time, but hasn't had the ability to express it until recently.
Harry is toilet trained now, and rarely has any accidents. He is communicating better, but has difficulty understanding other people's perspectives. Harry knows his gender now, and has begun to categorize behavior and objects as suited to boys or girls. He prefers playing with boys, but gets along pretty well with girls. You figure he is ready for a more structured preschool experience.
As Harry will turn 3 in a few short months you "shop" for a preschool. One of your goals is to get to know some children and families in the neighborhood where you eventually hope to live, so that Harry will know some kids when he starts kindergarten. This neighborhood also has high-quality public and private schools.
* You are interested in a developmentally oriented preschool program (learning through play and exploration) that provides but does not push cognitive stimulation, and emphasizes getting along with others. You choose one that only has a morning session.
Harry is going to be starting a preschool program soon, so you take advantage of the fact that a friend of yours is an early childhood development specialist. You ask her to evaluate Harry, who is 2 1/2 years old. The specialist evaluates Harry's language, motor and cognitive skills using some developmental scales, and observes Harry interacting with other children in a toddler play group. This is her report:
Harry was somewhat hesitant in the group of children and spent a few minutes watching them before joining in. After a while he latched on to a couple of the other children and had a good time. By the end of the session they were smiling and imitating each other.
Harry was generally not very aggressive, but at one point became somewhat aggressive over a favorite toy, and had to be reminded by the group leader to share. The specialist advised you to seek out more group experiences for Harry.
Harry became somewhat hesitant when challenging problems were presented, became a bit whiny, and needed a fair amount of encouragement before he could complete the tasks.
Harry's scores on measures of language comprehension and production were in the average range, and he was beginning to show more consistent use in conversational speech of grammatical markers such as past tense, plural, etc. The specialist recommended you continue to converse about anything of interest to Harry, read favorite books to him and go on outings.
Harry is below average in solving problems with more than two steps, and grouping objects together in categories. The specialist recommended that you help Harry "talk through" the steps in solving problems, and that you expose Harry to more hands-on learning activities (e.g., at the children's science museum).
He is in the average range in copying shapes with a pencil, working with picture puzzles and constructing things out of blocks. The specialist recommended offering Harry a range of these activities to choose from and to go with the ones that seemed of most interest to him.
Harry was above average on nearly all gross motor skills, such as climbing, throwing and catching a ball, balancing, and skipping and enjoyed these activities quite a bit. The advice was to continue these activities, emphasizing Harry's interests and focusing on having fun with them.
Harry was able to focus on the tasks posed by the examiner, but his attention began to wander after about 20 minutes. The examiner said this was typical for the age, and took a short play break. She recommended that you involve Harry in preparation for scripted activities such as bath and meal time to help enhance his ability to listen to and follow directions.
3 Years old
There is evidence that there are
three main personality types in childhood and the Virtual Child's behavior
beginning at age 3 and 4 is designed to resemble one of these personality
types. The personality types combine some of the temperamental traits with
which you are already familiar. The overcontrolled category refers to a child
who is cooperative, and follows the rules, but is shy in social situations and
anxious and clingy under pressure. The undercontrolled category refers to a
child who is uncooperative or even aggressive, does not follow the rules, is
not particularly shy in social situations, and has a tendency to become
distracted and overly emotional, particularly when under stress. The resilient
category refers to a child who is cooperative and follows the rules, is
friendly, non-aggressive and outgoing, is able to focus on tasks without being
too distracted, has good regulation of his or her emotions, and is adaptable to
new situations.
You were talking to another parent
at the park when you suddenly heard Harry crying in pain and lying on the sand.
Two boys about age six had pushed him down in an argument over the swing and
were running off. Harry is reluctant to go to the park the next week, and seems
unusually fearful and clingy.
Harry is sometimes afraid of monsters
under the bed or in the closet. He has trouble getting to sleep at night, and
even when he does, he sometimes shows up tugging on your sleeve at 2:00 in the
morning, wanting to sleep in your room.
You listen to his fears,
turn on the lights, and look for the monster. Eventually, you suggest that
there is no monster, that it must have been his imagination, and that monsters
are not real. You then settle him back into his own bed with some quiet
conversation or a story.
Your family has grown with the addition
of a baby girl! She was born last night at 11:30 P.M. Harry is a little over
three years old now, and has been eagerly awaiting the baby's birth. Harry
holds and rocks the baby, and even feeds her with a bottle of pre-pumped breast
milk or formula. Harry is fascinated with the baby and tells everyone about
her. You notice as the weeks go by that Harry likes to imitate Ella Grace's
sounds and movements, and enjoys play-acting a baby role. He sometimes seems to
be regressing and becoming more demanding and whiny, and less cooperative, but
other times prides himself on being a competent older sibling.
Harry is learning the routines
pretty well at home and seems to want to please you and other adults, but
sometimes he forgets to pick up or he doesn't mind you.
You try to make
household routines into a game where Harry has to predict what the next step
(e.g., brushing teeth) will be. You praise Harry quite often for good behavior.
The baby's crib is in the living room
right now. Harry really wants to have his sister in the room, and normally is
able to sleep through the baby's crying at night, so you go ahead and move the
crib into Harry's room.
Harry is not generally able to sit
still or stay quiet through an entire meal at a fast food restaurant. You see
some other kids of about the same age sitting quietly at the restaurant.
You tell Harry
what kind of behavior you expect, and give reminders during the meals. If he
does well, you give a small treat at the end. If he messes up, you say,
"Too bad, I hope you get the treat next time."
You and your partner are doing OK
financially, but things are a little tight because you are saving for a down
payment on a house. Sometimes both of you feel stressed. You are not
comfortable with the crime level in your neighborhood, and are anxious to move.
Harry has a couple of little friends
at preschool that he has fun with and talks about at home.
You are pleased that
Harry is getting along well with other children, and try to expand his
experiences by arranging play dates with children at the preschool as well as
in the neighborhood.
From time to time Harry overhears some
arguments you and your partner have about household chores and other issues.
During one recent argument you ended up walking out of the house in anger.
Harry started crying, and kept asking for days if you were going to run away.
Later, you and your partner tried to calm Harry down, telling him that you
would not run away, and not to worry.
You let Harry watch a
few select cartoons, but don't allow him to watch any dramatic shows or videos.
You figure the plots are too complex anyway.
Harry is really interested in playing
make-believe now, and likes making his toy figures talk to each other,
sometimes as parent and child, and sometimes as two parents. Some of the things
the "parent" figure says are amusing versions of things you or your
partner have said.
You play along with the
game if he wants you to, but follow his cues about what to say.
Harry's preschool is great. He has
become a bit less compliant and somewhat more aggressive at school, but also is
getting more skilled at playing in a group with other children.
You get to know one of
the other parents of a child who Harry seems to like, and invite the child over
for some play sessions.
Harry is fascinated by small animals,
and enjoys petting small dogs, cats, bunnies, etc, in the homes of your
relatives and friends, as well as the pet store.
You think it might be
nice to get a pet one day soon, so you let Harry have a lot of experience with
animals, showing him how to handle them.
Harry loves to watch children's
educational television. He is learning to name some letters and numbers. He
sometimes sings along with the characters on the show, or repeats what they
say, but sometimes just sits and watches or plays with his toys in the room.
You think watching TV
is too passive an activity, so you only let him watch a couple times a week.
Harry is one of the most active children
in his preschool class, and loves to ride his bike around and around the block.
He is also getting pretty good at playing catch, shooting mini-basketballs and
kicking the mini-soccer ball.
You don't want to
suppress Harry's normal activity level because active children explore more and
probably learn more. You try to channel Harry's activity into "learn by
doing" activities at children's museums, gym/play centers, etc.
Harry now seems to have a good idea of
how familiar things happen, such as baths and restaurant visits. He often
points out when someone doesn't do something in the right order.
You keep the routines,
but also expose him to experiences outside the home, such as trips to the
children's museum, park and library.
Harry communicates fairly well now,
relying mostly on complete sentences, and seems to understand most of what you
say. He enjoys watching children's educational television and listening to
books. He occasionally makes charming errors such as "I runned as fast I
can."
Harry needs as much
exposure to language as possible so you spend a lot of time reading books to
him, and make sure he doesn't miss his favorite educational TV shows.
Harry is one of the most outgoing kids
at the preschool, and has some little friends that he has fun with and talks
about at home.
You are pleased that Harry
is getting along well with other children, and try to expand his experiences by
arranging play dates with children at the preschool as well as in the
neighborhood.
Harry likes to tell people about things
he has done, but he usually leaves out some key details. You listen to his
telling of the story with great interest and ask questions to prompt him to
fill in a few details.
You and your partner have saved enough
for a down payment on a place of your own, with help from the relatives. You
bundle up your little family and go looking.
Based on your finances, you buy a newer
condo in the neighborhood you have been wanting to move into over the past two
years. This means a change of preschool for Harry, but hopefully he will not
take too long to adjust to it.
Harry recently has begun
occasionally lying to you about accidents or rule violations (such as sneaking
a cookie before dinner). The lies are pretty lame (e.g., there is a trail of
cookie crumbs). You recognize this as a sign of a theory of mind, but you wait
until you catch him in the act, explain that lying is wrong, and put him in
time-out. For good measure, you also explain that being lied to makes people
feel bad.
You have worked outside the home
full-time at various points. Now that you see how much it costs to support your
family in the neighborhood, you and your partner decide
That you will work full-time outside the home in the
career you were pursuing prior to Harry's birth. This well help considerably
with family finances. There are great options in your neighborhood for home
daycare or center care for Ella Grace and Harry is already in preschool.
Harry has been in preschool for a while and you are
curious about his progress. So you hire your friend the early development
specialist to do a formal assessment and observation at the preschool during
the summer.
Based on the testing situation and the observations at
the preschool, your friend thought that Harry was cooperative and friendly with
both adults and other children, and able to focus well on tasks. Harry was
quite self-confident in novel social situations and seemed to be well-liked by
several children. He had several little friends in the preschool and was
somewhat of a group leader in free play activities, such as imaginary play or
riding trikes. She recommended that Harry continue at the same preschool, and
that you continue to be affectionate but firm on the rules at home. She thought
that this was an appropriate age for Harry to have little friends over from
time to time, or to visit their homes for play dates.
He scored about average in language comprehension and
production. For example, when asked to tell a story about a funny picture, he
was able to give the broad outlines as well as a few interesting details. Your
friend recommended having more conversations with Harry about anything of
interest, reading aloud, watching educational television together and going to
places of interest to him.
Harry was below average in understanding quantitative
relationships such as "more/less", "longer/shorter", in
counting skills, and in solving age-appropriate reasoning tasks. She
recommended counting games and other experiences with numerical concepts, as
well as discussing how to solve problems (e.g., in putting together a train set)
rather than doing it for Harry.
He performed about average in copying designs, solving
picture puzzles, and building block towers to match one made by the examiner.
Your friend encouraged you to promote any of these activities that Harry
enjoys.
Harry's gross motor skills are above average, for
example, climbing, riding on trikes, kicking balls and playing catch. Your
friend encourages you to follow Harry's interests in these physical areas.
You filled out a parenting questionnaire. The
developmental specialist reported that your scores indicate you are currently
somewhat above average in warmth and affection shared with Harry.
The parenting questionnaire scores indicate you are
currently more disciplined than average with Harry.
At 4 Years
You and your partner occasionally
find some time (maybe once a month) to get out and away from the kids. Even
when you are out you often end up talking about the kids or worrying how they
are doing with the babysitter.
You notice Harry is getting
rigid about gender roles. E.g., boys should not play with dolls or dress up,
and girls can't be firefighters or police officers, despite the fact that he
was in the car when you got a ticket from a female police officer!
You and your partner try to model
non-stereotyped behavior, and to talk about the variety of things men and women
can do.
You are fascinated by the
way Harry plays with a new skill almost every chance he gets. For example, this
has been happening with coloring. Harry fills up page after page in his
coloring books with partially colored pictures. Sometimes you join in (it's
actually quite relaxing) and make the coloring more complete, but Harry is
always anxious to get on to the next picture!
You and your partner are
often confronted by situations in which Harry has a gender-related choice, such
as whether to play with trucks, sporting equipment, dolls, cooking toys, action
figures, etc. What will the two of you do?
You and your partner will try to expose
Harry to all types of activities, regardless of gender-appropriateness,
providing he is interested in them, and show him by your own actions that males
can cook, be nurturing, etc, and females can be assertive, play sports, etc.
Harry wants to help you
repaint some rooms in the house. As a compromise you let him paint with
watercolors on an easel.
Harry fits into preschool
activities well, having fun with teacher-led activities and participating
eagerly in physical or dramatic play with the children. Lately he seems to have
a "best friend" who he talks about constantly.
You encourage Harry to invite
additional friends over so as to broaden his social network.
Harry is no longer having
problems behaving poorly in restaurants. You are relieved, and you begin to
fade out the rewards that you gave Harry for good behavior in restaurants, but
make sure to remind him of the rules and to praise good behavior. Your next
challenge: moving on from a fast-food restaurant to a regular family-style
restaurant!
Harry is watching TV
more now and has favorite shows (usually sitcoms or cartoons). Harry still
seems to like children's educational TV, but is getting more and more
interested in shows about animals and pets. Sometimes he doesn't seem to hear
you call out when the TV is on, and becomes irritable and whiny if you try to
interact with him during the TV show. What do you do?
You allow Harry to watch one favorite
show per day without interrupting him, watch it along with him and comment or
joke around about the show afterward. Educational TV is not subject to the same
limitation.
Harry has begun to beg you
for a puppy or a kitty. You aren't ready for one yet, but temporarily try to
satisfy the urge by taking Harry to the petting zoo or to play with pets at the
homes of your relatives and friends.
Harry seems to be
curious about nearly everything, asking lots of questions during shopping
trips, walks, visits to museums or parks, and story sessions. After nearly
every answer there is another "Why?"
You answer most of the questions, but
you want to get Harry talking too, so sometimes you answer his question with a
question of your own that encourages open-ended answers
Harry is sometimes
interested in the train set you got out of your parents' attic and wants help
building it. He sometimes likes to build with the large-size connecting blocks
too.
Way cool! Your partner loved trains and
blocks in childhood and happily joins Harry in play. You set aside a corner
where the creations can be left up.
Occasionally Harry forgets
the rules at home or at school or has an accident (such as knocking something
over at the store).
You continue to remind Harry of the
rules and warn him about risky behavior such as climbing too high, but you
ignore the occasional violation.
Harry was excited about the
birth of Ella Grace a year ago and participated in her care. But he
occasionally shows signs of jealousy, such as taking his sister's toys. He is
also showing regressive behavior (e.g. clinging, throwing temper tantrums and
thumb sucking).
You realize Harry needs more attention
so you spend time in one-on-one activities with him, particularly when the baby
is asleep.
Harry has been very sweet
and cooperative for the past few months. He enjoys your company, but is also
able to play alone or in a group of other children or adults without needing to
check in too often with you.
You are happy to have reached this
point, and continue the same parenting practices, as long as they appear to be
working.
Harry isn't very logical at
this point! He doesn't understand conservation. He is somewhat curious about
living things, and about how things work (such as the car, electricity), but
gets distracted pretty quickly when you start to talk about them. He is
beginning to like games with counting.
You go to nature centers, zoos, and
science museums, because preschoolers learn best by doing things.
Harry has already learned
most of the letters and their sounds from watching educational TV, and from
games and songs at preschool, can write his own name, and read a few words. He
is very interested in listening to books.
You love to read yourself and you think
all that is necessary or advisable at this point is to read books to Harry and
to encourage quiet time where you sit together and read or look at books.
Harry will turn 5 this
summer and will be a bit on the young side in the fall when he starts
kindergarten. The school where Harry will attend kindergarten has started a
kindergarten prep session over the summer that lasts for a couple of weeks and
involves group as well as individual work on letters, numbers, etc. You enroll
Harry at the age of 4 years, 10 months. He is assessed by one of the
kindergarten teachers, who observes him during free play and tests Harry
one-on-one. Then the teacher sits down with you and your partner and gives the
following report:
The teacher thought Harry was doing well with
the peer group. He made several little friends in the kindergarten prep
session.
He could read a few short words and write his
name and could name most of the letters on sight at the time of testing. He
also showed an age-appropriate understanding of phonological awareness (e.g.,
deciding whether two words started with the same sound, picking out the two
words that rhymed from a list of three words). The teacher recommended
continuing to enjoy reading and writing activities - Harry was well-prepared
for literacy activities in kindergarten.
The teacher noted that Harry had no difficulty
adapting to the "practice" kindergarten activities the children were
asked to do. Harry was generally cooperative, avoided getting distracted, and
stayed on task. Harry did not get upset when mild stress occurred (such as an
instruction to hurry up). The teacher recommended that Harry be given more and
more responsibility for self management and care at home and at the preschool
in preparation for kindergarten.
He performed in the average range on tests of
vocabulary e.g., naming a picture and providing an antonym or synonym for a
word), and the ability to retell a story. The teacher thought you should engage
in more reading aloud, and encourage Harry to tell stories, perhaps so that you
could write them down and read them back to him.
Harry is a bit behind where the teachers would
like him to be in terms of being able to count, understand quantitative
relationships, and classify objects. The teacher recommends computer math
games, board games or dice games involving the use of numbers.
Harry was fairly interested in the little art
projects the teachers had the students do, and seemed to enjoy the pre-math
activities involving working with blocks and geometric shapes.
The teacher reports that your scores on the
parenting questionnaire put you in the top 15% in terms of affection and warmth
displayed toward your child.
The parenting
questionnaire scores put you slightly above average in terms of discipline and
control exercised with your child.
At 5 Years
Harry's first official day
of school was exciting and a bit stressful. When you arrived at the playground
bustling with children, Harry went out slowly, and after you spoke a bit with
another parent, you noticed he was climbing the monkey bars with a group of
boys. When you picked Harry up, he had that somewhat pleasant smell of sweat,
dirt and crayons that you associate with school. He seemed a bit tired. All
afternoon and evening you didn't get many answers to your questions about how
the day went. Harry mainly wanted to hang out with you and watch TV. The best
thing you heard all day came at bedtime, as Harry murmured, "My teacher's
nice."
When you help out in
Harry's kindergarten classroom you notice many aspects of math and science the
teachers work on (beyond just adding and subtracting), such as interpreting
graphs and classifying objects, as well as doing practical math in a classroom
general store. Harry doesn't seem as engaged by these kinds of activities as
most kids.
Children's brains develop
at different rates for different skills. Harry is a smart kid, and will develop
these skills when his brain is ready. You don't want to push too hard, so you
let the school do most of the work.
Harry is steadily learning the letters and their sounds as the
kindergarten class moves along, and he is interested in listening to books read
aloud. He is starting to name a few simple words in familiar books, and on
signs, and to ask about where certain words are in his favorite stories.
You expose him to variety of things,
such as alphabet and sound-learning apps on your smartphone, books downloaded
to your electronic pad, and paper books as read-alouds, on topics of interest.
Harry has made some friends
at school and manages to be fun-loving on the playground, but follows the rules
of the classroom. The teacher says that improving self-control and
self-reliance, as well as social skills, are among her most important goals.
You feel that Harry is a very sociable
and emotionally well-balanced kid and will develop social and emotional skills
without too much help on your part. However, you facilitate play dates that
Harry asks for or gets invited to.
It is summer. Harry will
turn 6 in a month and is looking forward to starting first grade in the fall.
You shop for a few school supplies.
You all have a good
time at Harry's birthday party with other soon-to-be first graders. The kids
enjoy traditional birthday games, such as pin the tail on the donkey, a
scavenger hunt, and a treasure hunt with a map that you made up, and clue notes
in various places around the house.
At 6 Years
There are a variety of
approaches to the study of individual differences in cognitive ability. Three
areas that are commonly assessed by current cognitive abilities tests are
verbal ability, spatial ability, and logical-mathematical ability. Howard
Gardner's multiple intelligences approach added additional domains of
intelligence based on developmental and neuropsychological evidence: musical
ability, physical/athletic ability, intrapersonal skill (understanding of the
self and others, theory of mind), interpersonal skill (social competence,
perspective taking), and more recently, naturalistic intelligence
(understanding of the natural world). In the program, levels of verbal,
spatial, logico-mathematical, musical and bodily-kinesthetic ability are
influenced by your questionnaire responses. These abilities can be changed
slowly by a large number of environmental factors.
The behavior of the
child at any given point is consistent with the child's developmental level.
For example, a child with high musical ability in middle childhood will be
enthusiastic and talented in the school instrumental program, a child with
average musical ability will take up an instrument, learn something about
music, but not become accomplished at it, and a child with low musical ability
will be uninterested in playing an instrument and unable to carry a tune.
Another example is that children who are low in verbal ability go through the
language milestones (such as speaking in grammatical sentences) at a slower
rate, and have lower interest in reading and lower reading comprehension later
in childhood, than children of average or above average ability.
The student parent has choices whether to push the child in each
ability domain, and in some cases this can result in steady progress.
Intrapersonal and interpersonal intelligence are captured by underlying
variables in the program such as attachment security, emotionality, peer
competence, self control, and the three personality types. These aspects of the
child are also influenced somewhat by your questionnaire responses, and can
change in response to cumulative effects of social experiences and parenting
choices.
Harry is pretty good
at learning the words of songs in school and has a decent voice. You ask him if
he would like voice or piano lessons but he is not very enthusiastic. However,
Harry starts to learn how to play the electronic keyboard at home, following the
simplified musical notation in the little book.
Harry gets along well
with other children and has several friends at school and in the neighborhood.
He is one of the most popular kids in his class and gets invitations to other
children's homes for parties and other activities.
Harry is eager to do some
after-school activities, so you start with some things run through the
community recreation center.
Harry really knows the routines now in restaurants and only
occasionally gets rambunctious. Now you need to work on Ella Grace!
Fortunately, she now has a well-behaved older sibling to imitate, so perhaps
your task will be easier this time around.
Harry seems to be
generally very responsible and helpful, but sometimes he is busy playing when
it is time for homework, dinner, bath or bed, and he doesn't want to stop the
activity. You have usually given him "5 minutes" to finish up and he
has been very cooperative about it.
You think it is time for Harry to do
some simple chores around the house, such as raking leaves or folding the
laundry, so you show him how to do it and praise him for helping.
Harry's memory is getting
better. He can beat you on certain memory games such as Concentration because
he remembers where the cards are located. But when he tells people about things
that happened to him, he leaves a lot of details out and sometimes gets the
order wrong. You join in the retelling of the experience, prompting Harry with
questions, rather than just butting in and telling it yourself.
Harry is physically
active, enjoys exercise and seems to have some athletic talent. Based on
Harry's interest, you enroll him in: Hockey.
You and your partner
sometimes have arguments over daily issues. You notice that both Harry and Ella
Grace are aware of these arguments, and seem to be emotionally upset or
misbehave for a couple of hours after the argument. Harry is more sensitive
than Ella Grace. You explain to Harry that sometimes you and your partner
disagree but you still love each other and love Harry and Ella Grace.
Harry has been
imitating what Dad does more and more, even down to gestures and turns of
phrase. He wants to hang around whenever Dad is doing anything interesting,
such as trying to repair the plumbing (without cursing), or going to the store.
You see Harry's focus on
the masculine role as a normal development and you go along with it, but point
out as often as you can examples of variety in gender roles, such as female
firefighters, male preschool teachers, etc.
Your partner's job has been
taking him out of town repeatedly in the last two months, and Harry has been
missing Daddy. You have been irritable because of all the extra family
responsibilities during the absences.
Harry's school hired a
teacher who is fluent in English and Mandarin. One first grade classroom will
be taught as a dual-immersion bilingual class and the teacher will stay with
them into second grade. The teacher will spend equal amounts of time in English
and Chinese language arts and reading. One additional subject will be taught in
Chinese (math) and the others in English (social studies and science).
Classroom conversations will be in one language or the other on alternate days
to encourage the children to speak to each other in both languages, and some
native Chinese-speaking children will be in the class.
You believe that mastering
reading and writing in English will be challenging enough for Harry in the
first grade, so you select the English-only class.
Harry started to read some
easy rhyming books toward the end of kindergarten. In first grade, he really
seems to be taking off, and is reading first and even second grade books.
Since Harry already has good
phonological awareness and has learned to decode, you figure the best
thing would be to find fun and challenging new books for him to read with your
help.
Harry cheats at games when
he can get away with it. Sometimes when he gets caught, he gets upset and
doesn't want to keep playing the game. You realize that Harry hasn't developed
a strong sense of morality yet.
You figure games are a good place to
begin learning right and wrong, so you don't get upset, but you generally call
him on the cheating and insist on playing by the rules.
Harry is communicating in
grammatically correct sentences for the most part, and has a vocabulary that's
steadily expanding.
You are impressed by how well Harry's
teacher reads stories. You find some books of interest to Harry and read them
aloud, using different voices to make the story more dramatic. You pause
occasionally (like the teacher) to ask questions and get Harry talking.
You occasionally help out
in Harry's first grade classroom. One thing you notice during recess is that
the boys usually engage in physical activities in fairly large groups and keep
the girls out. The girls tend to have small-group or even just one-on-one
interactions. What little contact there is between genders usually involves
teasing or chasing. Harry is able to play with both boys and girls, but mostly
plays with boys.
You encourage Harry to play with
neighborhood kids regardless of their sex. You notice that the age and gender
composition of the play group varies a little more than at school.
One day Harry's pet fish
dies and you do the whole backyard burial ceremony. A few days later Harry asks
if you will die, and whether he will die as well.
You think he would benefit from hearing
about your personal religious beliefs, so you talk about what you believe
happens after death.
Harry is working a little
below grade level in math and isn't particularly interested in science at
school or at home.
You figure the science interests can
come later, but you are concerned about Harry falling behind in math, so you
take him to an after-school tutor, and you work on computer games and flash
cards to help.
Harry grows serious one day
and says something to the effect that you are "nicer" to him than
other parents are to their kids. He adds that you have more "rules"
(i.e., you are stricter) than other kids' parents. You are a little surprised
that Harry is so aware of how other parents behave.
Harry is about ready to
finish first grade. Both parents are working full-time now, and Harry's sister
is in preschool.
You like the
neighborhood where Harry goes to school and hope you can stay on through his
sister's time in school.
You went to a teacher
conference and the teacher went over Harry's first grade report card. The
report card uses developmental categories rather than traditional grades. Some
of the results were expected, but some of them surprised you, and you decide Harry's
behavior must differ somewhat at home and school.
Some highlights of the
first grade report card were the following ratings:
Consistently works cooperatively in groups,
consistently respects rights and possessions of others, and consistently demonstrates
appropriate peer social interaction.
"Demonstrates strength" in reading
and writing.
In the comments section the teacher wrote:
Harry occasionally gets upset in stressful situations but usually calms down
fairly quickly.
"Developmentally appropriate" in the
areas of speaking and listening and in content knowledge of social studies and
science.
"Requires additional support" in the
areas of mathematical problem solving, understanding of data and number
concepts.
"Demonstrates strength" in the areas
of spatial understanding and visual arts.
Harry was usually appropriately active during
recess and physical games, and appropriately quiet during periods of work in
the classroom setting. He did not show an unusual amount of impulsive or
distractible behavior.
Consistently works
independently, consistently listens attentively and follows directions, and
consistently follows classroom rules.
At 8 Years
For no apparent reason some
older boys on the block are picking on Harry. You discover that the boys are
brothers and that the parents are getting a divorce. You don't want to talk to
the parents in the midst of their troubles, so you counsel Harry on how to
stick up for himself without being overly aggressive. However, the incidents
have made him nervous and unsure of himself.
Harry is struggling in
3rd grade math and whenever you try to help, seems to get frustrated and angry.
You figure that successful
experiences with math are the ticket to improving Harry's attitude, so you work
through the practice problem to show Harry how to do it, and then encourage him
to do all of the problems in the chapter or section assigned.
Although you love your children, you sometimes find it helps
your sanity at home if you have some down time or alone time. You know some other
parents who say the same thing.
One of Harry's best
friends invites him over for a weekend visit. You have never met the parents
before. After Harry comes home, he casually mentions that they watched a
particular "R" rated movie that you know is inappropriately mature in
its sexual content. Harry says it is one of that family's favorite films! You
have noticed that this particular friend uses a lot of inappropriate words.
You are very upset and call
the parents to let them know Harry cannot visit any more because they should
have checked on your video preferences before showing the film.
Harry has really gotten into hockey and is going up to three
times a week with to hockey practice. You encourage participation, as you
notice Harry will roller blade around the neighborhood just for fun. The whole
family enjoys attending hockey games.
Harry goes to a school
assembly and comes home all excited saying he wants to take part in the
instrumental music program at the school. You like this idea, so you and Harry
try out the available instruments at the music store, and decide on: the violin
Harry enjoys drawing and designing
things of interest (houses, cars, airplanes, etc.) and loves to work with his
hands building models or things out of clay, papier mache, interconnecting
blocks, etc.
You typically go with him to find art
or building materials for his latest project, and set aside a table in the
guest/study room for the projects.
Harry likes the role of big
brother and plays with Ella Grace quite a bit in the yard on the weekends when
friends are not available. It's usually a construction project (such as
building a fort or cabin out of old boxes), or whatever sport Harry is most
interested in playing (little sisters don't have a lot of choice!).
You ask Harry to let his sister decide
on some of the activities, and encourage them to play with some of his little
sister's toys, games, and dolls. This doesn't go over very well, but you think
it's important to do once in a while!
Since second grade, Harry
has been able to sound out almost any word, and now only occasionally gets
stuck when reading aloud. He enjoys reading and looks forward to taking turns
reading the story for the night with you.
You look forward to reading aloud with
him yourself and are always looking for interesting books. Sometimes Harry
declines because he is wrapped up in a book and can't wait to continue on his
own.
Harry is generally pretty
good about homework and chores, but sometimes forgets, or leaves them
unfinished.
You make a chart with the list of
chores for everyone in the house. Everyone has to check things off when they
are done. You give Harry an allowance to ranging from $0.00 to $9.00 based on
the work completed.
Harry is usually cheerful
and in good humor. He uses humor to deal with stress or just shrugs off life's
little upsets. Very rarely, he runs across a problem that gets him really
upset. At these times you:
share a similar experience you or
someone you know had in the past, and then listen to Harry if he wants to talk about
it.
Harry seems to be able to
eat a lot without gaining any weight.
You show Harry the "My Plate"
website from the U.S. Department of Agriculture that shows which foods are
healthiest and in what proportion they should be on your plate. You think this
is valuable for Harry's health going forward.
Harry and his friends spend
a lot of their time playing sports, roughhousing, or roaming the neighborhood
on bikes and skateboards. They rarely play with girls, but Harry seems more
tolerant of girls than many of the other boys.
You ask that Harry reserve some of his
free time to play with Ella Grace, and he generally is willing to play with her
in the evenings and sometimes on weekends if none of his friends are around.
Harry does OK in language
arts at school, but doesn't spontaneously do any writing outside of school
assignments.
You try to help by going over his
writing for school and praising it, but also correcting spelling and suggesting
some better word choices
Harry has a real sense of
what is expected of him at home and at school, and follows the rules quite
well. He gets along well with you, your partner and Ella Grace, and seems to
have good friends at school, in after-school activities and other situations.
Harry's best friend is also a real likeable kid.
You allow Harry to set his own schedule
at home for playing, homework, chores, TV and reading, within certain limits
set by you.
You decide it is time for a
family pet, so you:
Go to the animal shelter and pick out a
kitten.
Harry is cheating less often
at games (or has gotten sneakier about it!), but recently he has been lying
about things that happen at school, or blaming messes on his sister. You
realize that Harry is still at the preconventional level of moral development.
You tell Harry stories or fables about people who lied ("The Boy Who Cried
Wolf"), and talk about how people feel when other people lie to them. When
Harry does occasionally confess, you praise him for telling the truth.
Both parents are
looking forward to the upcoming summer and spending more relaxing time with the
kids. Both kids are also getting anxious for school to end.
Harry is very busy
this summer. He starts a lot of activities but doesn't always finish them.
You get a call from a
long lost friend from college. She visits and her two kids have fun playing
with your two kids!
Both parents were
interested in having a relatively complete psychological test report done on
Harry some time in middle childhood and this seems like a good time. You take
advantage of the local university's service of providing inexpensive
psychological testing and counseling by psychology interns who are supervised
by an experienced clinical psychologist. You have the report done toward the
end of summer, just before Harry turns 9.
Even though it is still the middle of
summer, you shop for school supplies and some school clothes. It will also be
Harry's 9th birthday in a couple of weeks and you prepare for a party with a
dozen kids at a family fun center that has go-karts, video games, prizes, and
expensive pizza!
Harry has one friend
who seems to be pretty free to hang out this summer and a couple of others who
are available from time to time.
You make sure that Harry
knows he is responsible for straightening up after they have visited your home.
Psychologist's report at age 8; 11:
His scores were in the average to above
average range in word reading, reading fluency, phonological awareness and
spelling.
He was friendly to the examiner and remained
calm and cheerful during the IQ and achievement tests even when some of the
questions became difficult and frustrating.
These were some of Harry's scores on the
Verbal portion of the Wechsler Intelligence Scale for Children (where 7 is one
standard deviation below the mean, 10 is the mean and 13 is one standard
deviation above the mean): Information (11), Vocabulary (12), Similarities
(11), Comprehension (13).
Harry's scores on the math concepts and math application problems were below
average, and the math computation score was slightly
below average.
Harry's scores on tests of visual-spatial
ability (spatial rotation, copying of designs, etc.) were above average.
The psychologist gave you and the teacher a
questionnaire on behavioral and attentional problems, and reported that Harry
did not have unusual problems with impulsivity, inattentiveness or hyperactivity. He
was very focused and maintained concentration throughout the IQ and achievement
testing.
The psychologist interviews you using a
standard set of questions about parenting attitudes. According to your scores,
you are in the top 15% in warmth and affection toward your child.
Your scores on the
parenting questionnaire indicates you are in the top 15% in discipline and
control toward your child.
At 10 years
Harry is already adept at
social networking. He adds photos to the family page every so often and sends
messages to his friends.
Harry gets along very
well with most people, is popular with other kids, and has a lot of social and
other after-school activities.
You encourage Harry to join more
after-school clubs, as he appears to enjoy the social opportunities.
Harry's fifth grade
class is just about to leave on the fifth grade science camp trip (a week spent
in cabins in the mountains). The fifth grade teachers have been preparing the
kids for the adventure for weeks. So that the kids know each teacher, they have
been alternating in the teaching of science units on ecology, astronomy,
geology, botany and zoology. You seem to be more enthusiastic about the science
trip than Harry. He is more concerned about getting into a cabin with his
friends than any of the activities they would do. You hope that Harry will be
inspired by the hands-on nature of the trip.
Harry is continuing to be a
strong reader, and always seems to have a fiction book he is reading.
You continue to read aloud together
from books (online or printed).
You and your partner still
occasionally have an argument once in a while that the kids happen to overhear,
despite your best efforts. Later, one of you talks to the kids about arguing -
you say it's a normal thing for people to have arguments but then they need to
apologize and make up.
For some unknown reason,
Harry and one of his friends left school at lunchtime undetected a few days
ago, and walked to the friend's house. No one was home so they let themselves
in and helped themselves to snacks and videos.
The school wants to give
Harry and the friend a suspension for one week, but you think it was just a
one-time occurring dumb stunt, so you argue the penalty down to staying after
school and helping in the classroom for two weeks. But you ground Harry for two
weeks.
Harry and his friends spend
a lot of time playing sports or roaming the neighborhood, but you've noticed
they are a little more tolerant of girls lately, and more willing to allow them
to be part of their soccer or basketball games in the neighborhood or at the
park or school ground.
You invite some of the kids over to the
house and the boys seem to tolerate the girls but you are amused that the girls
don't seem to be able to boss the boys around. You wonder when that will all
change...
Harry is always building
something, such as a go-cart or a refinement to the tree-house, and lately has
started to plan more, by doing drawings of his projects.
You work with Harry sometimes on these
projects and the two of you pass some enjoyable times working over the
weekends.
Harry is really advancing
in hockey. Harry's coach recommends joining a travel team as a way of advancing
faster. This is practically year round so Harry wouldn't have enough time for
serious competitive play in other sports.
You realize sports are quite
competitive at the high school level these days. You take the coach's advice
and join up with travel hockey, but you encourage Harry to play other sports
informally, such as tennis, basketball, gymnastics, etc.
Sometimes Harry and Ella
Grace's squabbles develop into a serious fight and they progress from screaming
at each other, to pushing, and sometimes even hitting. If this happens, you: immediately put the children in separate
rooms for ten minutes. You only let them resume the activity if they play
calmly.
Harry seems to soak up information
like a sponge, and has an excellent vocabulary. He can tell a really good story
too.
You encourage Harry to write some
stories and read them aloud to you and the family. Some of them are really
insightful and funny (for his age).
Lately, Harry has become
pretty conscientious about doing homework, except for occasional lapses. The
teacher reports that Harry is a cooperative and enthusiastic student.
You provide a lot of praise for Harry's
hard work and continue to monitor his schedule to make sure he doesn't get
overcommitted and tired. You ignore the occasional lapses or just provide a
mild reminder.
Harry is slow to grasp
concepts in math or to work math problems in homework. As a result, he is
developing some significant anxiety about math.
You try to help Harry see examples of
how math is important in the world, so the two of you take a field trip to a
friend's building site and talk to the surveyors and architects.
Harry has become more
resistant to colds in the past year or so, thankfully, so you figure he has
finally built up a lot of strong immunities. However, there is a bad flu going
around and Harry has caught it. He has a high fever, body aches, and is just
miserable.
It is really tough for you to take off
work when one of the kids is sick, but with both parents' efforts, you manage
to keep Harry out of school and in bed for several days so that he can fight
off the flu.
Harry is able to
concentrate longer on tasks than at age 8, although he has occasional lapses.
You encourage Harry to develop his own
time management skills to get the chores and homework done.
Toward the end of 5th
grade, the school began to transition the kids to middle school. This included
registering for 6th grade classes, a trip to the middle school to meet the 6th
grade core teachers (English & Social Studies combined classes), and a tour
of the school. Harry is very excited about the transition, but nervous about
being a "scrub".
Over the summer, Harry
wants to earn more money than the usual weekly allowance because he wants to
save for a cool new mountain bike. You come up with a list of major chores that
he can work on during the summer, such as pruning the bushes, washing the car,
painting the fence, etc, and agree to pay him the prevailing minimum wage. You
think this will be a good experience (if he will stick with it).
Harry is talking a lot
during the early part of the summer about going to 6th grade. There are several
urban legends about what happens to 6th graders. Harry is afraid he'll be
dumped into the trash can by 8th graders or tripped by 8th graders if he ever
runs across campus. You laugh because there were very similar legends when you
were in middle school! You reassure Harry that none of these things will
happen.
For his 11th birthday,
Harry wants a new video game set. Watching one of these things in operation,
you marvel at how technology has advanced since you were a kid.
Some highlights of the 5th grade report card
(the one that is being sent on to middle school with Harry's portfolio of
writing samples, and standardized test scores) were as follows:
Consistently works cooperatively in groups,
consistently respects rights and property of others, and consistently
demonstrates appropriate peer social interaction.
"Demonstrates strength" in all areas
of reading, and in spelling and "appropriate for grade level" in
writing.
In the comments section the teacher wrote:
Occasionally Harry gets upset during stressful situations inside or outside the
classroom, but usually is able to bounce back quickly.
"Demonstrates strength" in the areas
of speaking and listening and in content knowledge of social studies and
science.
"Appropriate for grade level" in the
areas of mathematical problem solving, understanding of data, number concepts,
graphical applications, and arithmetic computation.
"Demonstrates strength" in the area
of art.
"Appropriate for grade level" in the
area of music.
Consistently works
independently, listens attentively, and follows directions and classroom rules.
At 11 Years
The sixth grade year has
just flown by and it is summer. As it turns out, being a "scrub" in
6th grade was not as bad as Harry thought it would be and he is ending the year
looking forward to going into 7th grade. He also has become more interested in
sports in the past year.
You try to support the interest in
sports by signing him up for extra lessons.
Even though it is still the
middle of summer, you shop for school supplies and some cool school clothes.
Harry seems to be obsessed with looking cool when 7th grade starts in the fall.
At 12 Years
Harry seems to have had an
overall increase in some aspect of cognitive functioning. At the same time,
Harry's "very cool" English teacher, who is married to his equally
cool science teacher, have facilitated his interest in science and science
fiction. Harry has been working on ideas for sci-fi short stories and is
developing a science fair submission.
Harry is doing very
well in English and social studies, and OK in math and science, but math and
science are not his favorite subjects this year. He acts bored or angry when
you try to help him with math or science homework assignments.
You arrange for
after-school tutoring to boost his scores in math and science and to provide
assistance with homework, and at the same time you encourage Harry to develop
his other interests and talents.
Harry's oral reading,
decoding, reading comprehension, spelling and writing skills are above grade
level, and he is busy writing stories and experiences down into his journal.
You encourage any reading interests and provide praise and helpful feedback for
Harry's writing efforts.
Harry sometimes
dawdles at chores, or gets distracted and leaves the chores unfinished.
You think that you may have
assigned too many chores. You reduce the chores to simply washing the dishes
and keeping the bedroom tidy but you monitor these to make sure Harry is
consistent
Harry began to argue with
you and your partner more in 7th grade. He argues mostly about clothes,
bedtime, and chores, but otherwise you get along pretty well. You renegotiate
household rules more with Harry than you used to, and make reasonable
concessions, such as a later bedtime in exchange for more chores.
Lately Harry has his
ups and downs, sometimes coming home from school cheerful and friendly, and
sometimes sullen and cranky. When he is sullen and cranky, he either plays
video games or shuts himself up in his room.
You don't see a consistent
trend up or down in moods so you gave Harry his "space", interacting
with him when he is in a positive mood, and sticking to only the most essential
communication when he is in a negative mood.
Harry played in the
after-school instrument program for a couple of years, but practiced less and
less as time went by. The little orchestra made painfully slow progress. There
were a few stand-out performers in the group, who were probably taking private
lessons or were very musically inclined. You didn't feel that Harry would
really make good use of private lessons so you didn't pursue that. Now the poor
instrument has joined the rest of the unused stuff in your garage.
Harry talks quite
often about what is "fair" and "not fair", and you realize
he is developing some moral principles. His concerns are focused on very
specific things people he knows say and do, rather than incidents in the news
or aspects of society.
You talk to Harry about
specific events in his life, asking questions about his point of view and other
people's points of view. You try to help Harry see the consequences of various
courses of action.
Harry has been putting
comments on an internet application where other students can respond with their
own comments but not reveal their identities. He got burst out with "what
a jerk!!" recently when someone made some negative comments about his
clothing. He was upset about it for a while but called a friend and soon they
were deep in conversation about how to get revenge.
This type of thing really irritates
you, so you tell Harry to avoid these types of websites and stick to face to
face (or at least text) communication with friends instead of setting himself
up to be attacked.
Harry just got back from a
dentist appointment, during which his dentist suggested it might be time for
braces. Harry wasn't opposed to the idea, and even jokingly referred to himself
as "rabbit teeth" on the ride home from the dentist.
While Harry is all set for braces, you
aren't sure you can afford them right now. You decide to put it off until next
year.
Harry is growing fast and
consuming a lot of food, much of it junk food that he gets at school or
after-school.
You refuse to buy any junk food at
home, and you give him a lecture about healthy eating habits.
Harry is starting to notice
girls more, but has not said anything openly about it. He wants to get a
popular video game that has some racy shots of women and in which the male
characters mistreat women.
You refuse to let Harry have the game,
stating that such material is offensive and his little sister should not be
exposed to it. He objects angrily that you don't even know what the game is
about and stalks off to his room.
Harry is self confident and
relaxed in social situations. He has some close friends, seems to be somewhat
of a leader in the group, and is not pushy or overbearing.
You realize that Harry enjoys these kinds
of positive peer experiences, so you seek them out for Harry whenever possible
(e.g., scouts, teams, school activities).
You notice Harry is more
interested in current events lately.
You encourage Harry to follow up on
interesting news stories on the internet to get more in depth information.
You notice that Harry's
sense of humor has become more subtle lately. He has been pointing out
inconsistencies between things you have said and your behavior, especially
toward him.
You laugh at the jokes but don't want
Harry to get disrespectful, so you clarify your views and make sure that Harry
still understands that your rules remain consistent.
After the 7th grade school
year ended, Harry had big plans to hang out in the room over the garage with
his best friends and get to a really high level on their favorite video games.
But this grew boring after a couple of weeks.
Harry occasionally
gets bored over the summer, and doesn't initially seem to like any of your
suggestions about what to do, but you notice he starts in on some of them later
as if it was his own idea. He usually is anxious to show you the latest results
on his project when you come home from work. You have a little lighter work
schedule over the summer, and are able to take Harry and his sister out to the
movies or for dessert on some weeknights. You also plan some interesting
outings and a couple of 3-day weekends, as well as a short camping trip to the
beach.
Harry spends a lot of
time during the summer hanging out at the mall or the movies with some friends.
He needs money for these outings, so in addition to regular chores, you have
him do some much-needed things around your place for extra money.
Harry
was really anxious for summer to begin, and is having fun, but as soon as the
school supplies are in the store, he wants to get his 8th grade notebook, etc.
You realize the choice of notebook and the decoration of it with photos and
sayings is part of his identity.
You got Harry's 7th grade report card early in the summer. Some
highlights of the report card:
Harry consistently contributes to cooperative
group activities and respects the rights and possessions of others, has
consistently appropriate social interaction with peers, and even seems to be a
kind of peer leader.
His word reading, spelling and writing skills
are strong.
He got A's in 7th grade English, Social
Studies, and Spanish.
He got a B in both 7th grade Math and 7th
grade Science.
Harry took art in 7th grade as an option, and
got an A.
He listens attentively, follows directions, and
follows school rules.
He is quite effective at time management, and
highly consistent in working independently in the classroom and on homework. He
has almost no problems completing assignments and turning them in on time.
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